Live blog: Australia v South Africa Test 3

I’m going to try and live blog the third and final test that’s starting as we speak. I know next to nothing about cricket. My cousin warned me that it was the most boring sport on earth. I’m disinclined to agree with him after seeing what qualifies as a sport today. However, it is fascinating. Being a baseball fan this is oddly familiar but completely different. For my friends in the states, I’m choosing to watch cricket over the Thursday night NFL game.

Some notes: Test matches are played over five days. You play for ~7 hours a day. At the end of the five day, you figure out the result. I’m not going to go over the rules. The Wikipedia page is pretty comprehensive. It’s easier to understand if you’re watching. A full test is three matches (meaning 15 days of cricket) with a couple of days in-between each match. If I say something totally wrong, hopefully the locals won’t string me up in town square. All times are local.

11:34- After the local gambling website encourages us to places some bets, it’s announced SA will bat first. Good for the Aussies. The second test ended in a draw since they couldn’t get the SA folks out.

11:38- “Back in Black” over a historical montage of an old match. This feels like an American sporting event already.

11:45- Discussing the pitch. I wonder if the American public would stomach listening to Joe Buck talking about the type of grass in the outfield at Fenway or how the dirt is matted at Miller Park. Not that I care either but I guess that it’s important to the game.

11:48- Teams taking the pitch. Why do they wear all white? I’m assuming it’s a British thing (like wearing all white at Wimbledon). Since both countries seem to have green as primary color, it doesn’t help the confusion. The local teams get colors. Why not the national teams? The only plus side is that it shows the stains from the balls on bowlers.

11:50- Can’t open the games without some didgeridoo. The national anthems for both countries are quiet pretty.  It’s also nice to see the players signing. Why don’t American athletes sing?  Also, each player has a cute kid in a green bucket hat with them.

11:53- Wait, they’re playing for the #1 spot in the world. No one told me that! I’ve been watching the past two matches on and off but no one mentioned that. How did this slip by me!

11:55- One shining moment montage.  Now I know I’m watching something important.

11:58- “You can’t call it a huddle. They’re just standing around, not doing anything at all.” Sums up a good bit of cricket.

12:01- And the first pitch (bowl?) is……hit for a run! Not the start I wanted to see. The bowler is listed as fast medium. Can someone fast fast? Fast slow? I’m sure this means something to someone else but I’m lost.

12:04- Like baseball, the batter can call time. Since the bowlers get a great big running start, they can step out half way through the run up. That seems unsporting.

12:06- Slow mo of a player clapping. No idea why. Nothing worth clapping for has happened. So far nothing has really happened. Runs have been scored and an over has been bowled.

12:10- Instead of eye black, lots of players have white stuff smeared across their cheeks/noses. Is it sunscreen? Lotion? War paint? It looks kinda strange. Can they write things in it? Will I see someone with John 3:13 on their face today?

12:20- Got up to scramble some eggs. 5 runs scored. No outs.  I do love how polite this game is. Don’t hit the ball well enough to score but also not out? No worries! Step back in there and take another crack at it.  The nearest thing I can compare it to is baseball without balls and strikes and contact on 95% of the pitches.

12:21- And there’s an out! Wait… on there isn’t. Overturned on review. The review system is pretty amazing. They can tell where the ball bounced, if it hit the bat (both visually and with an audio check), and estimate where the ball would have gone. In this case, the batter wasn’t out because the ball would have bounced over the wicket if he hadn’t gotten his fat leg in front of it. That’s a pretty awesome bit of technology.

12:30- As I’m watching the bowlers, I’m curious how a big league pitcher would do as a bowler. Most of the balls come in between 125-135 Km/h (between 75-85 mph). I know ground absorbs some of the speed when the ball bounces but I can’t help but wonder what someone like Strasburg would do as a bowler.

12:40- 0/30 (0 outs/wickets and 30 runs) for SA. Yep. This is cricket.

12:42- Another out? No. Hit the side of the guys butt. Almost another out but the ball didn’t quite carry far enough to be caught (hit the guy’s glove). Oh well, back to batting.

12:50- 10 overs (60 pitches) bowled. It’s taken almost an hour to throw 60 balls (they’re not pitches even if I want them to be). That actually seems on pace with baseball. If the average game is say 140-150 pitches ( see here) and a game takes about 2.5-30 hours we’re kind of on pace. Of course that assumes that this match is half over.  Which it isn’t. Not even close.

12:57- Out number 1! It’s nice to see the guys celebrate so much for an out. They really should. SA could end up batting for the entire day.  It only took 55 minutes! And we’re almost to the first drinks break! SA 1/38.

1:09- Cricket’s equivalent of the ground rule double is worth 4 runs.  A HR is worth 6. The batters don’t have to run (of course not) but they get credit for the runs. Dude from SA with an epic beard (but no ‘stache) just hit one. And then the over had ended (not making that pun) and we had a commercial break. Seems like we break ever 2 overs. If I have to watch one more commercial for a stockyard, I’m going vegan.

1:15- Dude with the beard has just whiffed on two straight balls. That should count for something. It doesn’t but it should. He does, however, look pissed off.

1:18- The announcers are talking about how pretty Sydney is. Not that the match is taking place in Sydney. It’s in Perth.  We care about Sydney because………no idea. They’re straying into Dickie V territory. Please stay on target.

1:20- Guy is polishing the ball by rubbing in on his pants. Ok, not too weird. Wait, he’s rubbing in near the man zone. That’s……not ok. Now he’s got a huge red stain on his upper thigh.  This is getting weird.

1:25- Guy in a suit clearly enjoying a businessman’s special and sitting on the grass. The announcers call him out on it. I think it’s pretty awesome that Vodafone is giving out little radios that clip to your ear so fans can listen to the commentary. I have a feeling MLB would never go that way. Fans would be able to hear the TV replays while in the stands. I’d totally support the idea though. Also, grass seating seems nice, if it wasn’t so blasted hot out.

1:35- 1/60.  Yep. Still nothing much happening.  Lunch break coming up. That maybe my stopping point. I don’t think I can handle another hour of cricket.

The overlays of where the balls are landing are pretty awesome.  As a stats geek, I’d love to see MLB telecasts do more things like that;  Midgame they could bring up a scatter plot of the pitchers, showing movement, placement, etc.  I’m guessing the pace of the game doesn’t allow for it but I’m afraid the TV folks are underestimating the intelligence of American audiences.

1:40- I think I’m suffering from Stockholm Syndrome with these commercials. I want to order Jetcrete for my house and I don’t even need some.

1:45- Watching the players stretch in the field. They look as bored as I do. Although one of them is wearing a sweater vest. And there’s an out! Wow. Dude was bowled out (ball got passed him and hit and dislodged the wickets). It is being described as a “ripper”. And there’s an awkward slow-mo shot of two guys hi-fiving. It’s now 2/62.

1:55- The guys aren’t even running to score. I’d call it a mosey. Not even a jog. So civilized. There’s an interesting discussion of how the hi-tech review system is swinging the balance of power to the batsmen.  The earlier out that was overturned missed the top of the wickets…………and there’s another bowled out. Damn. Two quick ones.  SA is 3/63 as we inch towards the lunch break. Anywho, the other ball missed the top of the wickets by 1-2cm.  Without the review system he would have been out. It’ll be interesting to see how it actually plays out.

2:00- And that’s lunch. It took 2 hours to get 3 outs and we’re still well into the first innings (yes the ‘s’ belongs there).  I’m calling it. I can’t believe it’s possible to write 1500 words about 2 hours of cricket but here it is.  Go Aussies!